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Between Two Doors

October 16, 2009

Between two doors I paused for awhile, tired from constant transit. Between two doors, in a tiny vestibule, I finally stopped and bowed. Between the two doors I found myself wondering where I am headed…am I in or out? Where have I been,  and where am I going to now? Between two doors, I read about wine and wineskins:

Matthew 9:17 Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”

How I ached for something new! A break with this routine, or a renewal of some sort, or the start of another great thing in my life that would give me rest and peace! A new source of excitement amid the day to day rush…just the sound of something new is enough to light up my eyes. And at that time, between those two doors, God gave me this sense of “Yes, I want to do something new in you! I really do!” Between those doors, I had found a holy place…I had met God, and He wants to do new things in my life. Then I remembered…the fear…the anxiety…the old hurts and sorrows. I was covered in these old notions… my heart was an old wineskin. I had recently remarked that I didn’t know how many things, good or bad, I could bear. I am overwhelmed by life. It is beautiful, it is wonderful, it is good, and sweet, but it is frustrating…it is nervewracking and not easy at all.  I have so many responsibilities, roles, and activities that I am sinking in a sea of events. I need renewal. I need sanctuary. My heart has been stretched to its limits and cannot grow anymore in its current state. I really want that new wine…but I must get a new wineskin. My heart must be renewed. And there I sat, between two doors, talking to and praising the God of the universe, the One who can and will give me that new wineskin and then begin stretching it out with all of his goodness…the One who will give me beyond what I could ever need or hope for. So I asked him–the God of the universe, who made himself accessbile to me not in a cathedral, or at a table, or in a closet, but between two doors in a quiet spot on campus–to give me a new, clean, pliable heart. I asked him to prepare me for stretching and growing, and to renew my spirit. I asked the One who has sent his Son to die for me in order to wash away my shame to remove the dead, heavy feeling from my heart. There, between two doors, He granted me forgiveness and mercy. His grace allowed me to begin feeling His hope in my heart. I capped my pen, took a drink of water, and looked around me. Two sets of doors created the perfect sanctuary. I found the Source of the renewal I need. A weary traveler, I stopped just short of going out or coming in for a reflective view of things. It wasn’t about where I was but Who met me on that chilly autumn night between two doors.

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